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Date: October 23, 2003 at 01:15:26
From: ken, [pool-64-223-44-236.prov.east.verizon.net]
Subject: Re: Nuts are where you find them?
I do not know all the options or any of the finite answers. I am not looking for the answers any more. When I find an answer I know there are many more just under the surface. Many more, and always much more than I can hold. You may not agree. I do like finding out more ways to do and view the same things from different perspectives. I search, but more for the questions and those different perceptions that show different facets of the same situation. So I do think that I am a student as you say but not with the focused hope that I can acquire enough knowledge to succeed or to even be a contender but with the opposing hope that I can let go of all that I carry (nuts) so I can see and not be bound by what I do not need. I know where they are, some of those nuts of value that is, and I can go and touch one now and then when I need to but I do not have to possess them and carry them with me or feel like I need to show them to others unless there is a reason other than the one of being considered a knowledgeable fisherman by others. There are many reasons to show the nuts but never to those who fixate and are stopped short in their journey of discovery by being given gold mines before they know the value of gold.
It is not necessarily a good thing for a man to catch a world record striper on his first cast. He will be famous as a fisherman indeed but it may be the first and last time he ever fishes. “Knowledge puffs up,” it is said and it is true. I have been a victim of puffery both my own and others and I do not like it nor will I practice it knowingly and I like to prick it with a pin even if I have to stick myself.
At this stage I let others hold and know the answers. They are, all of them, correct and even though all answers may contradict each other from time to time they are still correct at the proper time and circumstance because the truth contains all the possible answers and solutions. I do not follow the tides and the winds anymore.
Once upon a time I did, but now I just go.
But I do know the feel of that cold Northwest wind in Fall Hole that you speak of and I know the feel of the large fish I have I caught there on light aired Northwesterly nights and some other strong Northwesterly nights and I prefer the Southwest for the softness and the magic of it under the headland and the rare Southeast is by far, when howling and screaming wild and the water in the hole reverses and goes to the north straight across from the south…. It is the wildest best by far and away- the very best. And never in my life on those wild nights have I seen anyone else unless they were with me there in thirty-five years but before that I did.
I do not do what the others do as I do not care to and there is no need to.
At this stage in my fishing I like it unplanned and then it is always an adventure and every night is beautiful and glorious whether it is rain or snow or warm or windy and any direction and tide is fine and a November night with the Northeast wrack sailing by close overhead with a full moon shining behind …. It can mesmerize you and hold you in your tracks, gazing up, walking up the cobble beach at the Sheep Pen in a timeless mosey.
When I need to catch a large fish for Mary or for someone who asks for one - I go with the purpose of catching one.
I don’t just fish for the fun of catching them anymore. Catch and release is not a license to catch as many fish as possible to me and it is not an elevated stance at all but one that disregards way too much that is questionable at its root to suit me. I have given that up, too many unnecessary holes in the mouths of fish for me to contribute to that anymore. I will fish to catch numbers of fish to learn something but body counts for no purpose bother me.
I have come to like fish the way people like birds and animals and I enjoy watching them and I care about their well-being. I think it is good to develop a love for animals you care about and are familiar with and fish are marvelous animals and the more you learn about them and see them in their natural world the more amazing they become to you. To me a menhaden is an incredible animal and that is only because I have learned more about them then the idea that they are to be considered - just “Bait.” They are fish and they are fascinating and worth watching and studying and finding out about. The way they move is spellbinding.
As I get older I do not want to hurt fish other than to feed someone or to learn something or to help some one become a better fisherman. I believe these positions are clean ethically. I do more looking and observing and seeing and trying to help others and sharing what ever I can, so that some can enjoy fishing in deeper, closer to nature ways and perhaps get more out of the experience of fishing than just the catching if they choose to.
I love to fish more now that my relationship with nature has become larger than when catching fish in smart and familiar ways was of prime importance to me. I am glad that I let the nut go and was not taken prisoner by holding on to it.
I am thinking about how monkeys once were caught. The hunters would take a jar with a wide neck and put a sizable nut inside of it. Then they would tie the jar to a big tree with a long rope and wait. The monkey would come along and put its hand in the jar and grab hold of the nut. When he did that the hunter/s would make an appearance and the monkey would bolt only to come up short and have its hand stuck in the jar. The hunters would come closer and closer either with clubs or with nets and the monkey would screech and howl and jump and scream but he would not let that nut go. His fist held him prisoner. All he had to do was open his hand and he could run and escape the hunter.
I am sure that he had his reasons for holding on to the nut. The only problem is those reasons cost him dearly. He lost his freedom to either a pot or a cage. Sometimes we have a nut that we know is good and we will not let it go and because of that - year after year and season after season the year comes and goes and we have our nut and never let it go and never know what changes outside of our vision come and go and how things evolve and we never see the things we may hear about with our own eyes that do work and we do not make room for that growth. We do have our nut and it is good.
There is a big world out there once we let go of the nut. A different world a world other than the world of the nut. The nut will still be there if we let it go and when we come back to the familiar and the safe we can pick it up and perhaps for the first time let it go and.... pick it up when we need it and smile at all that we have learned. Just my opinion.
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